Identity, Gender and Sexuality, The impact on Mental Health: A parents Guide

Introduction: A Changing Landscape for UK Teens

Raising teenagers today is very different from a generation ago. Conversations around gender identity, sexuality, and mental health are more visible — and sometimes more confusing — than ever.

If your teenager has opened up about their identity, or you're noticing signs of struggle, you're not alone. Many UK parents are asking:

“Is this a phase?”
“How do I talk to them without saying the wrong thing?”
“Is this affecting their mental health?”

This guide will help you understand what teens are going through, how identity links to mental wellbeing, and how you can be a supportive, informed parent.

What Do We Mean by Identity, Gender and Sexuality?

Identity

Teenagers are developing a sense of who they are — including their beliefs, values, background, personality and social roles. Identity forms the foundation of confidence and self-worth.

Gender

Gender is not just about biological sex. It includes:

• Gender identity – How someone feels inside (male, female, both, neither or somewhere in between)

• Gender expression – How someone presents their gender through clothes, behaviour or name

• Gender roles – Social expectations tied to gender (e.g. “boys don’t cry” or “girls should be polite”)

Some teens are cisgender (their gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth), while others may identify as transgender, non-binary, genderfluid, or questioning.

Sexuality

Sexual orientation is about who a person is romantically or sexually attracted to, such as:

• Gay or lesbian

• Bisexual or pansexual

• Asexual

• Queer

• Questioning

Some teens know from a young age; others figure it out later. Either way, it’s completely normal.

Why Identity Exploration Affects Mental Health

Exploring identity is a healthy part of adolescence — but it can also be challenging, especially when teens fear rejection, judgement, or misunderstanding.

Key Mental Health Risks for LGBTQ+ and Gender-Diverse Teens

According to Stonewall’s 2023 School Report:

• 45% of LGBTQ+ pupils have been bullied at school

• 52% said they never feel safe discussing gender or sexuality at school

• Trans young people are at particularly high risk of self-harm and suicidal thoughts

These mental health issues are not caused by being LGBTQ+ — they’re caused by stigma, rejection, bullying and fear.

What You Might Notice as a Parent

Your child may or may not explicitly tell you about their identity or mental health, but look out for:

• Sudden changes in mood or behaviour

• Withdrawal from friends or family

• Avoiding school or social activities

• Low self-esteem or body image issues

• Signs of self-harm or anxiety

• Statements like “I feel different” or “I don’t fit in”

Don’t panic — these are signals for a conversation, not a crisis. How you respond matters more than having the “perfect” response.

How to Respond When Your Teen Comes Out

If your teenager comes out as LGBTQ+ or tells you they’re questioning their identity, you might feel shocked, worried or unsure. That’s okay — but they need to know you love them regardless.

Do:

Say thank you for trusting you
Let them speak without interruption
Use their chosen name and pronouns
Ask what support they want from you
Educate yourself using reliable sources (see below)

Don’t:

Dismiss it as a “phase”
Tell them they’re “too young to know”
Pressure them to explain or label themselves
React with anger, shame or silence

Remember: you don’t need to understand everything to be supportive.

Why Parental Support Makes All the Difference

Family acceptance has a huge impact on mental wellbeing.

According to the UK-based Family Acceptance Project and other studies:

• LGBTQ+ youth with supportive families are significantly less likely to experience depression, self-harm, or suicidal thoughts

• Supportive parenting helps teens develop resilience, confidence, and trust

Even if your teen is not out yet, your general attitude toward LGBTQ+ topics can signal whether you’re a safe person to talk to.

What About Religion or Cultural Values?

Many UK families hold strong cultural or religious beliefs. It's possible to support your child without abandoning your values.

• Connect with faith-based LGBTQ+ organisations like Imaan (for LGBTQ+ Muslims), Keshet UK (for Jewish families), or OneBodyOneFaith (Christian)

• Ask open-ended questions like:

  “How do you feel about your faith and identity coexisting?”
  “What helps you feel connected to both parts of who you are?”

Balancing tradition and acceptance is possible — and healing for the whole family.

Supporting Mental Health at Home

Create a Safe, Affirming Environment

• Use inclusive language and challenge homophobic or transphobic jokes or slurs

• Give them space to express themselves in clothes, names, or pronouns

• Celebrate Pride or other LGBTQ+ events if they’re comfortable

• Let them connect with LGBTQ+ friends or groups

Encourage Professional Support

If you’re concerned about your child’s mental health, consider:

• GP referral to CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services)

• LGBTQ+-affirming therapists (private or NHS-based)

• Counsellors in schools or through charities like The Mix

Important: Mental health services should affirm your child’s identity — not question or try to change it.

School and Legal Rights in the UK

Your child has rights under the Equality Act 2010:

Schools must protect them from bullying or discrimination
 They can ask to use a chosen name or pronoun
 Teachers and staff should provide a safe, respectful environment
 They have a right to confidential conversations with school counsellors or healthcare providers

You can advocate on their behalf if these rights are being ignored.

Where to Turn for Help and Information

Here are some trusted UK-based organisations:

Stonewall Resources for parents, schools, and young people

Mermaids UK Support for trans and non-binary youth and families

The Mix Free mental health support for under-25s

YoungMinds Mental health resources for parents and carers

Switchboard LGBT+ helpline: 0300 330 0630

FAQs for UK Parents

Q: Is it just a phase?

A: Not necessarily. Many teens explore and question their identity — that’s normal. But for many, this is a core part of who they are.

Q: Should I talk to their school?

A: Yes — if your child is happy for you to. Work with the school to ensure your child feels safe and supported.

Q: Can my teen access gender-affirming care through the NHS?

A: Yes, but there may be long waiting times. Your GP can refer you to GIDS (Gender Identity Development Service), currently transitioning to new regional hubs.

Final Thoughts: It’s a Journey for You Too

You don’t have to get everything right straight away. What matters most is that your child knows you’re trying — that your love is bigger than your confusion or discomfort.

Being a supportive parent doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means being present, open, and kind.